My son and I have been listening in the car to A.A Milne’s Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh—all four-plus hours of the audiobook, on repeat—up to Saratoga Springs and back, on the way to school, to the store. We are, both of us, quite obsessed. Stephen Frye and Dame Judi Dench are among the stellar cast of this Audible production.
One of our favorite passages describes Eeyore:
Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, ‘Why?” and sometimes he thought, “Wherefore?” and sometimes he thought, “Inasmuch as which?” and sometimes he didn’t quite know what he was thinking about.”
We recite this together at random points during the day and laugh like crazy.
It comes as a relief to laugh at bewilderment, as bewilderment is a familiar presence to me over the past sixteen months in the face of my horn-playing-related injury and all the upheaval and uncertainty that come with such a situation. Thankfully, over the course of this summer I happened across some ideas that have struck me and often lend a sense of clarity and empowerment to many of my moments.
Experiment #1: Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
“We can’t all and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.” – Eeyore
I thought I had a pretty healthy outlook on talent vs. work, and the potential for progress and change, but Mindset by Carol S. Dweck made me even more aware of the importance of one’s deep-seated beliefs and attitudes as a parent, teacher, and someone who wishes to keep progressing on several fronts. Among many topics, Dweck discusses the pitfalls of praising talent (as opposed to praising effort) and the difference between the fixed mindset (the belief that “your qualities are carved in stone”) and the growth mindset (the belief that “your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others”).
She writes, “Do people with this mindset believe that anyone can be anything, that anyone with proper motivation or education can become Einstein or Beethoven? No, but they believe that a person’s true potential is unknown (and unknowable). That it’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil, and training.”
With examples of those who were thought to possess nothing special but excelled nonetheless, and of those who were thought to have innate abilities but did less than predicted, she offers inspiring stories and words of wisdom for whatever role one may find oneself in: parent, teacher, student, business person, or someone who has not quite found his way yet (like Eeyore above?). There is something for everyone.
Experiment #2: Engagement vs. Expression
“It’s all your fault, Eeyore. You’ve never been to see any of us. You just stay here in this one corner of the Forest waiting for the others to come to you. Why don’t you go to THEM sometimes?” – Rabbit
“Then would you read a Sustaining Book, such as would help and comfort a Wedged Bear in Great Tightness?” – Winnie-the-Pooh
This idea of the goal of engagement rather than expression all came about because of a workshop I attended this past summer with the poet Scott Cairns.
At the beginning of this workshop, we began to discuss the question of what poetry is. What makes a poem a poem? We all threw around and discussed some potential definitions. Then Scott made a statement to the effect of “a lot of people think that poetry is about expression, but it isn’t about expression, it’s about engagement.” As A.A. Milne might have written, it is something more Sustaining.
This attitude of engagement, as opposed to expression, has the potential to clarify and simplify, I’m finding. How is day-to-day life changed by having engagement as the goal? (I ask myself). Does it help to prioritize activities? Does it explain why and how certain endeavors might be falling flat or at least not reaching their full potential?
This aha moment has extended to my life as a horn player as well. One of the greatest lessons of my recovery and rehab has had to do with this very idea of engaging. Connecting with other musicians – my colleagues and those who have been through challenges – has been a huge source of help and inspiration. I stand in awe of the generosity and support and wisdom the music world contains. I know our musical community to be much richer and more resilient than I ever knew before.
In the actual act of playing, engagement has a role to play as well. With the help of my Alexander Technique teacher Ariel Weiss, I’m learning the benefits of staying connected to “out there,” and (with practice) I’m learning to catch myself before I collapse inward, micro-analyzing the chops and being over-sensitized in an unhealthy way. The goal is to keep the body sensations in the mix, but not the focus – staying open, sending the sound out to someone, allowing my surroundings/audience to be something I’m willing to engage with. I’m in the mix. I’m not lost or ignored. But there is something greater to focus on. My job is to “clarify the aim,” as Ariel says, and to stay connected to that. I’ve had to practice daily a profound letting go – letting go of the worries about how I’m progressing, and especially, what I should feel like. She says, “those thoughts are completely understandable, but not helpful.” So I look outside myself to find what is more sustaining.
Returning to the world of poetry, the word “sustaining” came up in Scott Cairn’s memoir A Short Trip to the Edge about his journeys to Mt. Athos, the center of Eastern Orthodox monasticism. He writes that poetry “is not a means by which we transmit ideas or narrative events we think we already understand, but a way we might discover more sustaining versions of them.”
Sustenance. What can we give to each other/ do for each other/ create for each other that will be sustaining? What else is living for?
(“And that is really the end of the story, and as I am very tired after that last sentence, I think I shall stop there.” – Narrator, Winnie-the-Pooh)
