As I was cleaning out files recently, I came across piles of practice notebooks and practice parts, mountains of audition requirements and the accompanying folders I had made for each audition. I found mini-disc recordings (and somewhere I have DAT tapes – yikes!) that I made of dress rehearsals, performances, recitals, lessons and practice sessions. Seeing the physical representation of my work all amassed in front of me was a little jolting. It was impossible to deny just how much of myself I have poured into what I do. Of course, it can’t be any other way. I have yet to meet a professional musician who has not poured his efforts and focus into music over a significant amount of time.
However, since I am a bit of a pack rat, I have also kept piles of other papers – ones that are at least as important as my work and, in most cases, are more valuable to me as keepsakes. These are the notes of encouragement along the way, mock-audition comments, audition comments, reminders about what is really important and where my focus should be. While my own daily work is the laying of brick and mortar, the support, encouragement and inspiration from those around me has always been the fuel and electricity. That is what lights up the house.
Of course, a large portion of the love and support I received is in the pages of my music itself – written in by my teachers. I love opening my old music and looking at their markings – the things they highlighted and underlined and wrote in bold letters. Every exclamation point feels like a love letter and a vote of confidence in a certain way. They cared enough to be adamant and specific in their instructions, to not let me give way to sloppiness, or to allow me to strive for anything less than my best.
As one gets older, however, formal teachers exert less or no influence. You’re out and about trying to make your way in the world. I can’t imagine trying to make it without those who, in sometimes surprisingly gentle and small ways, offer support in the journey.
I did manage to separate myself from the practice parts and from some of the notebooks. Who knows what I’ll do with those darned mini-discs (especially since I have no mini-disc recorder anymore). But I’m keeping those untidy-looking, fly-away notes. Some are printed out emails, some are on sticky notes, some are on torn spiral notebook paper. They are going back in my files.
