I am a person who likes to be prepared.\u00a0 I usually don\u2019t approach preparation with a sense of anxiety – I take joy in it!\u00a0 As long as I can remember, back to my earliest school days, I loved going home in the evening and getting ready for the next day.\u00a0 And this wasn\u2019t limited to homework – it meant even choosing and laying out my outfit for the next day. \u00a0I admit, I probably came across as a goody two-shoes, but I didn\u2019t mean to be that way.\u00a0 What I did was not for the sake of being better than others or gaining adult approval (though I didn\u2019t mind approval) – I just took pleasure in organization and preparation.\u00a0 Weird little kid, I know!<\/p>\n
The trend continues to this day \u00a0(though I\u2019ve loosened up a bit on picking out my clothes for the following day.) \u00a0The biggest thing I\u2019ve had the opportunity to prepare for recently is motherhood, and throughout my pregnancy I approached it the way I\u2019ve approached every other event, big and small, in my life – with pleasure and with vigor in my preparation.\u00a0 I knew in concept that one could never be really prepared for motherhood, but I did all I could to make sure I had done whatever things could possibly be done.\u00a0 I educated myself on childbirth and breastfeeding, the nursery was in place well ahead of time, and I set up a support system for myself and found resources like new mom groups and learned where to find the information and help I would need.<\/p>\n
Then the big day came four weeks ago.\u00a0 From the start of labor, to my unexpected Cesarean delivery, and through to this very day has been a blur and a whirlwind!\u00a0 I knew beforehand that I would be in control of nothing really, but knowing it and experiencing it are two very different things.\u00a0 I have been riding a wave (sometimes on top, sometimes in the turbulent middle) of something much larger than myself, experiencing the deepest love, as well as unexpected fears and anxieties.<\/p>\n
My preparation was certainly not in vain – I\u2019ve needed everything that I put in place for myself and then some, but it has reminded me that most often, no matter how much you prepare for an event, you can never be fully prepared for anything in life.\u00a0 There are simply too many variables and there are always unexpected twists. \u00a0We must trust that we\u2019ll be able to ride the waves and not be afraid to ask others to help us ride those waves. \u00a0There\u2019s that word again – a recurring theme with me! Trust… trust… trust….<\/p>\n
Someone asked me yesterday if I felt like a different person now that I\u2019ve had a baby.\u00a0 I had no idea how to answer!\u00a0 After thinking about it a little bit, I decided that I feel very much like me, but like a \u201cme\u201d that must become very comfortable with the shortcomings of preparation and prepare in a different way for my days: by taking some deep breaths, remembering to trust, pay close attention, and take the minutes with all of their surprises as they come.<\/p>\n
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