![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.angelashornstudio.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/wondering-smiley-wallpapers_9770_1024x768-300x225.jpg\" "\\"Bad")
I have a very bad memory in some ways, especially for details of novels or movies and (embarrassingly) concerts I have played.\u00a0 I can remember the emotional content, and remember how I felt reading a book, seeing a movie, playing or hearing a concert, but it\u2019s rare for me to remember the intricacies of a plot, or the details of a program.<\/p>\n
So it is all the more surprising that I remember one of my first horn auditions very clearly.\u00a0 I was in seventh grade auditioning for Junior High All-District Band.\u00a0 All the kids auditioning were in one warm-up room together \u2013 the enormous band room of an equally enormous public school.\u00a0 Looking back on it, I cannot even imagine the cacophony!\u00a0\u00a0 I had my gigantic hard case – that I could barely carry and that always bruised my legs – containing my beat-up single F horn from our little school.\u00a0 My heart still beats a little faster when I remember the intimidation I felt looking around at all these kids who seemed to me to have done this before.\u00a0 They looked like they knew what they were doing \u2013 they were worldly and experienced in my mind.\u00a0 And they all knew each other, it seemed, or at least knew someone.<\/em> I didn\u2019t know anybody. Then one very together-looking girl with long, blond hair confidently opened her horn case to reveal a shiny silver double horn.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s it,\u201d I thought, wanting to cry.\u00a0 I thought for sure her horn was a sign of how out of my league I was, or thought I was. \u201cWhat am I doing here?\u201d\u00a0 I was certain I detected amused glances at my dented, rust-spotted horn that looked like it had been through a couple lifetimes of abuse and maybe a bomb blast or two.\u00a0 I think I might have even said something to either my mom or my dad \u2013 whoever was with me.\u00a0 I think it was my dad.\u00a0 Something to the effect of \u201cLook at her horn.\u00a0 She\u2019s obviously better than I am!\u201d\u00a0 I remember being told not to worry about it \u2013 that it was just a horn and to concentrate on doing my best.<\/p>\n To make a long story short, it didn\u2019t matter much that my horn was beat-up.\u00a0 It turned out to be a fine first audition, and I was at the top of the pack when the results came out.\u00a0 The lesson of the night stuck with me: don\u2019t take anything as a sign for good or bad \u2013 just do your own thing and do your best.\u00a0 And it doesn\u2019t matter so much what horn you have.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve read many of my posts, you might have noticed that I haven\u2019t spent much time focusing on what happens outside of us and in response to us as we learn and grow.\u00a0 But after my last post, I got a comment from Linda Grace, a fantastic rolfer (and blogger<\/a>!) here in Philadelphia that I have gone to see (if you ever need body work done and you live within striking distance \u2013 I highly recommend going to her).\u00a0 And she asked for my thoughts about that very thing.<\/p>\n She writes:<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d also like to hear your ideas of what the signs and symbols from outside of oneself (i.e. loving it, working hard, prevailing over discouragement are one\u2019s own felt signs).\u00a0 What are the signs and symbols which can say, \u201cwe could make a go of this music!\u201d\u00a0 \u2028I have this idea that these signs can show up at any of the stages, but the emerging adult can have some signs available that show possibility\u2026.\u00a0 In other words, what part do you think the rest of the world\u2019s opinions play in the emerging adult becoming a successful musician of any of those stripes you speak of?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n To read my response, click here<\/a> and look in the comment section.\u00a0 It contains my most concrete and practical thoughts about the subject.\u00a0 However, I thought that her question deserved a thorough fleshing out in a new post because it\u2019s really an important question. After all, it\u2019s impossible to live in a vacuum!\u00a0\u00a0 Whether we like it or not, the people around us do respond to us and do have opinions about what we do.\u00a0 The outside world most definitely plays a role in the shaping of our lives and careers. Although I think it\u2019s rare for\u00a0one<\/em> outside event, or one <\/em>person\u2019s opinion to ultimately make or break us (and I know this is not what Linda was referring to), I DO believe that we absolutely need people and other sources of input from outside of ourselves to guide us, give us ideas, give us encouragement, and to help us to see more clearly.\u00a0 We all need teachers, mentors, and good, honest friends. Our lives and various paths are formed usually, not out of sheer force of our will regardless of what anyone else says, thinks or does, but more often by a very complex web of influences and feedback.\u00a0 Some influences we seek out, and some come to us whether we want them or not.<\/p>\n When I think of the major influences from outside sources in my own life, they fall into a few categories: input and guidance from teachers; official rulings from juries, judges and committees; suggestions or opinions from various trusted mentors; feedback and support from colleagues; and the loving presence and help that my close friends and family provide.\u00a0\u00a0 All of it was (and continues to be) very, very important to me.\u00a0 I can clearly see and feel in my own life those \u201cthreshold\u201d time periods when I have been a little stuck.\u00a0 There was something I couldn\u2019t get past until someone or something intervened (usually in a very quiet and offhanded way) from outside my own limited perspective and allowed me to see the way ahead of me \u2013 what it was I had to do next and how to do it.\u00a0 Or someone sparked an idea, and all I had to do was change my approach or my thinking about something, and I was on my way again.<\/p>\n The kicker, of course, is that we have to be open to suggestion, be willing to put ourselves out there and expose ourselves \u2013 or else we never get the feedback.\u00a0 Not only that, there is the \u201cnegative review.\u201d\u00a0 We must listen to those as well, see if there\u2019s something we can take from it that will help us along our way, and forget the rest \u2013 which is often easier said than done.<\/p>\n Speaking of forgetting, I have been following a project of David Brooks, an op-ed columnist for the New York Times.\u00a0 This project is called The Life Reports.\u00a0 He asked for those over 70 years of age to write in and evaluate their lives – what they thought they did well, what they are most disappointed about, etc.\u00a0 He has been posting one essay a day on his blog<\/a>, and in his own column has been commenting on trends he sees from the thousands of essays he\u2019s received.<\/p>\n One of the many interesting points he made in his latest column<\/a> was that those who were happiest in their lives were \u201cstrategic self-deceivers.\u201d\u00a0 Here it is in context:<\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n Beware rumination. <\/strong>There were many long, detailed essays by people who are experts at self-examination. They could finely calibrate each passing emotion. But these people often did not lead the happiest or most fulfilling lives. It\u2019s not only that they were driven to introspection by bad events. Through self-obsession, they seemed to reinforce the very emotions, thoughts and habits they were trying to escape.<\/em><\/p>\n Many of the most impressive people, on the other hand, were strategic self-deceivers. When something bad was done to them, they forgot it, forgave it or were grateful for it. When it comes to self-narratives, honesty may not be the best policy.<\/em><\/p>\n Hmmm, so maybe my bad memory isn\u2019t the worst thing in the world after all!<\/p>\n I\u2019m not at all suggesting suppression of things that need attention, or that we shouldn\u2019t take a good, hard look at ourselves and examine what we see from time to time.\u00a0 I think that is important.\u00a0 However, a bad memory \u2013 or selective memory \u2013 can help in certain circumstances!\u00a0 That could go for any of the things that we might be tempted to take as signs and symbols that aren\u2019t helpful to our cause – just like nightmares.\u00a0 My mother always told me there was no need to remember bad dreams \u2013 the brain just needed to work through and metabolize something, and that it was more than OK to let go of them and not examine them or take them as signs.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s healthy to forget bad dreams!\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Also, something we take as a sign of our future promise<\/em> can be just as dangerous as something we might take for a sign that \u201cI\u2019m just not cut out for this\u201d<\/em> if it makes us to feel like we can rest on our laurels.<\/p>\n The main thing is to keep growing, keep looking forward, and to continue exploring and finding freshness and new perspectives whenever and wherever we can.\u00a0 The wonderful thing is that we need each other in order to grow, and that is one of the things that makes life so full and so interesting.<\/p>\n What in your life has served as a positive sign to you that you were on the right path?\u00a0 Or the opposite \u2013 that it was time to do something different?\u00a0 I\u2019d be curious to know!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have a very bad memory in some ways, especially for details of novels or movies and (embarrassingly) concerts I have played.\u00a0 I can remember the emotional content, and remember how I felt reading a book, seeing a movie, playing … Continue reading ![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.angelashornstudio.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/mp900438766-300x225.jpg\" "\\"Rainbow\\"")
So, I\u2019d say that, for me, my biggest outward sign that I am on the right path is that the people around me keep giving me food for thought (whether they know it or not!), keep talking with me about ideas or strategies, and keep inspiring me to try new things.<\/p>\n